3 am

here it is 3 am and i am awake. I am not sure why i am awake. I just know that i could not sleep. I am going to try and go back to bed in a few min. I thought i would blog since i have alot on my mind, I was asleep but i woke up. I have made up my mind i am not going to follow my dream of being a mom to an angel on earth. I have an angel and that is all i am to have. I told Jesse about that tonight and he didn't have anything to say about that. I also to My therapist and she for me not to make such a decision right now. I told her the reasons for my decision and that i was at peace with it. She let it go but i know it will come up again. I just can't do the emtional rollor coster ride right now. I need to get my mind on other things and if i don't follow that dream then i can work on getting better both mentally and physically. I got the impression she thinks my pain is anixty based. It very well could be but i wish it all would go away. I don't need that crap. I am thinking that Jesse is getting more comfy at the trailer. He was there Monday night after work and i am thinking he is staying tomorrow night even though he needs to be at work at 8am. I proved to him that he can get up and make it there by 8am because i was up and down here at 7:30 this morning and i didn't get up till about 6:45. Well i am going to try and get some sleep as we are down 1 person tomorrow at work and i have to be there at 8am. Night